Look
ma, no hands! Sperm donation just got that much easier now that
researchers at Zhengzhou Central Hospital in China have created a
machine that…well, sucks the donor off, pretty much.
The
machine boasts a screen for visual stimulation (read: porn) while the
pink massager strokes the man’s donor pipe to ultimate pleasure. All he
has to do is stand back and enjoy the hands-free masturbation.
Director
of the Urology Department at the hospital Zhu Guoxin said the machine
can be used by men who cannot donate sperm in the old-fashioned way.
Adding
that this machine is only recommended for patients who’ve had
difficulty retrieving sperm. Users must use a condom, but lubricant and
chemicals on condoms will affect the accuracy of the test results.
If
it weren’t for the $2,800 price tag, pubescent boys everywhere would be
begging Santa Claus to drop one of these babies off at their house this
Christmas.
This love machine would sell out faster than the iPhone 5 if it was under $500 bucks.
Maybe the researchers can work on a more compact version for the mass market.
Unfortunately, mens’ forearms will probably get a lot smaller as a result of the reduction in activity.
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